The End.

Last night. You told me you cared for me more than you did yourself. You told me you were willing to fight. The this morning. You told me just to "leave things". What the hell? Okay. So now I've just totally given up on everything. Time and time again you disappoint me.
I've always given myself a reason to give me hope that you'd change. I've been more patient with you than i've been with anyone else.

How stupid do you think i feel now? I put myself out there FOR YOU, i gave and gave and gave so you can finally be comfortable and be the same with me as your are to your friends. Yet i got NOTHING back. I wasnt even expecting much! All i wanted was at least a HINT of effort.
Do you know what i got back? NOTHING.

People tell me I'm trying too hard for you. People tell me just to give up. But you know what? I just let their words pass in and out of my head. And never thought about their words again. Do you want to know why? Because we got sooo close in so little time. We had an instant connection. That has NEVER happened to me before. This too was new for me. But look what i did. And look what you did. At least i put effort into this.

So much hurt. In these past 2 months, you've hurt me in a way nobody has ever hurt me before.

You want to know why else i feel so stupid on top of all this shit i've been taking from you?
Buying a new outfit, getting all worked up about the dance. Getting all excited for the night, because i would be with you and we WOULD have had a great night. I dressed up! I dont do that for girls. But i did for you. Because i wanted to be your date, and i didnt want any other guy having the honor of taking you. But what happened to all that? Nothing. Some people even realized how bad its been for me. But i didnt care. This WAS worth fighting for.

Up until you lied. We promised not to lie to each other.
You TOLD me you liked me a lot. Myspace. Comments. Through friends. Never in person. Never face to face. Then, you tell me again on myspace for the last time. And the next day, you suddenly "cant deal with this". YOU cant deal with this? How do you think I feel?! I wish you were put in my position. You would have told me those words within the first month.

I really and honestly thought things could change, and that you were the girl that was different.
You are different, but not the different i hoped.

I'm not sad about this. I don't deserve to be sad after what I've been through. I only regret trying so hard to make something work that wouldn't have. I wouldnt go back in time to change it, you just helped me realize that getting close to someone too quickly has a hurt in the end that could break you.

And at least because of you, I'm talking to my best friend again.
And for that, i thank you.

2 more days! can you believe that? Two more days til i asked you.
I wasnt expecting an answer right away, i just wanted you to know that we've gotten close enough that i felt strongly enough to ask. But yea.

So why dont YOU live your life the way you do.
Live your life
"with no worries"
Live your life
Wondering.
Live your life
Learning from this.
Live your life.