Just, STOP!

Once again, disappointment. I don't know what I'm suppose to do anymore. Yea, you say its different with me, but really? Does it have to be different like THIS? Where i feel like you dont even want me there. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. If you need time to get use to me, being there, being YOURSELF around me, then tell me, and at least show that its progressing. The way you make me feel whenever I'm around you is: "She doesn't even want me here. She looks at all the other guys more than me. She talks to all the other guys more than me. She likes the other guys more than me. I shouldnt be here. I dont BELONG." Maybe i dont Lyn.. I dont know. But it really hurts to feel this way. To feel like you dont want me. Want me for yourself. Want me there with you. Want me for nothing else but another person labeled "Boyfriend" to be around you.

I want YOU to grab my hand and hold it sometimes.
I want YOU to kiss my cheek when you hug me sometimes.
I want YOU to call me when you want to without having 1 thought about "bothering me" sometimes
I want YOU to hug me, just to show me you care sometimes.
I want YOU to stop being so quiet when you see something is wrong with me, because your the only person that can actually make me talk. If not you, then nobody else. And i'll just stay quiet until YOU talk to me.
I want YOU to sit on my lap from time to time, instead of always sitting beside me, not even within range. Or with someone else while i'm alone, and decide to leave sometimes.
I want YOU to want me to stay whenever you see i'm leaving sometimes
I want YOU to want me to be there always.

I want.. things i might never have. Because things can only change if you do something about it.

I asked you to take this 0.01% risk for me.
But are you really?
It doesn't seem like it.

Today. You texted me saying your sorry for not saying "bye" because you were irritated.
One thing you need to understand about relationships is, no matter how mad or irritated you are, if you ever IGNORE your partner, things will go wrong. They'll think they've done something wrong. I mean, i know sometimes i get all quiet and serious. But the least i'll do is at least say goodbye, and kiss you on the cheek. So that you know not to worry and that the feeling will pass.

All i ever get from you is "I'm sorry.. bla bla" on TEXT messaging or on myspace.
Thats why i didnt even say "It's okay", because it isnt. AT ALL.

I was really annoyed. When i saw that picture of you, sofia, HUGO, and adam.
I mean, you decide to go do something after i leave?
You guys went with hugo instead of me.
Do you not want me there?
Arent I suppose to be your boyfriend?
So why is that you treat Hugo more like one than you do me?
I mean, you guys hardly hang out and chill. But when you do.
You talk to him more, you look at him more, and you pay attention to him more.
I'm not saying you like him, but damn. You dont even do that to me!

Like really. Im not being a bitch because i'm complaining that you dont give me enough attention.
Its like being a baby. If you dont give them enough attention, they'll feel NEGLECTED, and start to cry.
Im not crying, and i wont. But i'll get irritated.

How would you feel if i suddenly started doing to you, what you do to me?

Not say bye when im "irritated", not even glance up.
Apologize only through text or myspace.
Never call first
Never go up to you just because your surrounded by friends.
Be hella hella shy. and never change.

All i can do right now is hurt.
Because your not doing anything right now to make me feel any different.

I really hope things change. Because for me. Your not the only one taking a risk.
I just hope this risk doesnt break me where theres no coming back.

We'll see how things turn out. I'm hoping positive changes.