You that i can use somebody

I've been roaming around always lookin down..
I like that song.
But yea.. Dude. Things have been so.. complicated lately. I have no idea who i am as a person before. Its like i go back and forth from being hella grown to being very immature and incapable of caring for myself. Well, actually. lemme just vent.

So.. i dont know exact dates and stuff, but girlie and i broke up. I told her i needed time to think, because this one night was really dramatic where she got me really angry. I needed time away from her to think about certain things because the way she got me angry isnt fair. It isnt fair to put me through those kind of situations no matter who you are.
We got back together almost two weeks later, to try to resolve all these issues. But. it didnt work out so well, i started getting more and more irritated with her actions. We took a walk to her house to pick up her volleyball knee pads. and she asked me "Do you think you changed negatively lately?" And i told her yea, i've been feeling more irritated with you. And the convo went as far as us breaking up. It was a sad/chill conversation. But i had to put everything on the table, i couldnt just keep these things in anymore. Well yea. she currently staying with me, but as friends. Its been really tough though. We havet reached a week of being friends yet, but its like, we arent even friends anymore. Well,in the first place, she didnt want to be friends with me, she wanted to totally cut off connection with me when we broke up.

Its hard. i cant sleep right because she tries to hold in the tears and i can hear her choking them down. She spends a lot of time on the patio thinking to herself. crying. I mean, its hard to be there for someone that wants you out of their lives so it hurts less. Being here everytime she cries. and not being able to comfort her, because it'd hurt more. Its like. The episode of Smallville, where lana is infused with hella kryptonite and clark was kissing her, and he was dying, and she wanted to help, but the only thing to do to help, was to go far away.

Sigh. Kids, relationships are difficult. Be careful who you entrust your heart with.


On a lighter note, my heart is getting worse. lmao.
My arms are increasing in size, and also my body mass.
I'm cutting my hair off in 2 days, and i might or might not go to that picnic.
My left hand's pinky is acting weird.
and i dont really feel like typing.
so yea
bye