Another one. Yet again.

Lets see. Here we go again with the feelings. That are totally unnecessary. Where should we start.

I've known you for how long? But up until a few weeks ago, i didnt know you know you. You know?
Its been great spending time with you, talking about this and that. Being absolutely random, and just having a laugh. Why is it, i start feeling the most random people? Out of everyone i know, i started feeling you after a few weeks of knowing, knowing you. Why did THAT have to happen.
You know? I tried ignoring you. I tried avoiding passing you in the hallways, seeing you after school. But for some reason, i couldnt. Why? Who knows. But my plan failed. lol. Obviously.

Do you remember that day? You came over, and we talked about some things? We were just on my bed, just talking about everything. That was the ONLY day you ever seemed REALLY comfortable, cause usually, you look uncomfortable. But that was a chill ass day, just cause we got to talk about this and that. Theres one thing i love about you, and its that nothing ever has to be weird. No matter what we talk about. Because we talk about the most random things, if you know what i mean :P But seriously. GRR.

You know what i hate? Having to blog about this shit. Because i dont really want to tell anybody about it. Haha. And you know what i hate? Everytime i blog, it has to be about a damn girl. Or about damn feelings. Fucking hate it.

Just to get this out of my head, you know why im so attracted to you?
You are TOTALLY not my type. I dont even have a type, but i already know you wouldnt be even if i had one. But the thing with that is. You're hella real and open with me. Any girl that can be open with me AND listen to my words, and can actually HEAR what i have to say, is so, idk. Hard to find. lol. You're hella weird, and we dont even have to talk for me to smile. Its hella awkward, but not at the same time, being around you. Only because of a few things. But its all good :)
You always have something to talk about, something to laugh about, something to smile about. And i love that. No matter what you're going through, or what you've been through, you can always smile at the end of the day. A girl that has that much resilience, is just so hard to find these days. There are so many people that look at you for looks, or "how you are", but i see the whole other part of you. You always felt comfortable telling me almost everything, after only a few weeks of talking to me, as a friend of course.

I told you i dont want to be attracted to you, for reasons I've already told you. I kept telling you that i wasnt attracted to you, because i didnt want things to be weird, or i didnt want to mess up by doing something. But you know what? I lied. I was attracted to you, the moment we had that talk in my room. I dont know what it is about you. May it be your personality, your laugh, your smile, or the happiness you always carry with you. The way i=you dont give a fuck sometimes, and you're smart about things. You take advice, but put your own thoughts about it too. I dont know. I really noticed your laugh, lol, not to sound weird or anything. People are attracted to looks, smiles, eyes, anything really. Your laugh, smile, and eyes got me! I hate how it turned out like this, even after trying so hard to fight these emotions.

You know how its a little weird when we talk about that guy, because i talk as if i dont feel anything for you? Its true. Its a little weird. But have you noticed im the one who usually brings him up? For two reasons. One, to help you out with him. Two, to convince my damn heart to stfu about all this crap, and to realize, the struggle isnt worth it, if in the end, there'll be nothing there. Im not saying you arent worth fighting for, its more like, is the pain to getting that point going to be worth it in the end?

Who knows.
Today, I gave myself reasons to not be attracted to you.
The fact that there are "so many other guys" out there, was a big one. I can trust you of course, but why is it you have to notice so many people? Its like you cant have your eye on ONE person. Its hard to think about shit like that, because what if a good looking guy comes along, and with the way you are, what will happen? Do you remember what happened that night you came over? You and i are the same because we are both accidental flirts. And its scary to be attracted to someone like me, because I'll be hella paranoid about this and that.
One reason i get so quiet at school is because of that reason. Because sometime i'd get people confessing that they like me because of "how nice i am to them", and how i make their days. Its just me being NICE. Nothing else, but apparently people take it the wrong way.

You know, there isnt even an end point to what i just wrote.
Im listening to "The longest story by Daphne love Derby" Its a very thoughtful song.

I dont really know what to think about right now. For sure, i need to get you out of my head.
Because it isnt helping :P
Im trying to hook you up with my friend! How funny is that?

But if you ever read this, dont feel bad. This blog is for me to vent, and to get shit off my chest. Not to be felt sorry for. If you tell me you feel bad about this, I'll be like -_-

You are someone i could never have thought of being attracted to. But i am. I've tried to fight these feelings, so i wouldnt feel this way. But we cant just forget about feelings. We can't choose who we fall for. And i hate that. I fall for the most random girl that I've known since EMS. What kind of shit is that? We're complete opposites, but when its me and you, i can totally be myself. Thats a big thing in my book.

Lets see how long i can keep these feelings on the DL.
One of these days, im going to tell you, i know that for sure. I already know how strong these feelings can get, just from how close we've gotten in such a short time, and the way we are toward each other. I just hope by that time, i can get rid of this. Forget about it. Something.

We are both the type that are used to being chased after, not doing the chasing.
Pretend you do start feeling me.
What'll happen if we're both waiting to be chased after, but its not in our personality to do the chasing?

You got me into that whole zodiac sign crap. And it wasnt surprising what our compatibility was.

Sometimes that zodiac thing is wrong. But sometimes, it is right.

For now, all i can do, is stay away, but be here for you when you need me to at the same time.
When we were on the fone, and i told you that i love how i realize shit hella randomly but that the right time. I realized i WAS attracted to you, and that the feelings WERE getting stronger, but i realized that in time to try to do something about it. So i dont have to put either of us through any bullshit.

You're a strong girl. You dont need a man to make you feel whole, and im glad you know that. I just hope you can apply it completely, before you fall for another one of his lies. You dont deserve to be put through that bullshit. You shouldnt wait for that guy to change, when obviously he's not even trying to. You dont need to cry, and i'll be that shoulder to cry on, and hopefully that'll be all i am.

Im a complicated person, like i've said before. I'll only make shit even more complicated if i keep this up. Dont hate me if we start talking less and less. Im doing us both a favor :)